


Never Goodbye

by Aelia1980



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Non AU, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:35:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28529307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aelia1980/pseuds/Aelia1980
Summary: After seven years, the end of Supernatural is near. Jensen is scared of losing Jared and Jared takes Jensen up to a cabin in the Rockies to finally tell him how he feels.
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Comments: 6
Kudos: 60





	Never Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know Jared, Jensen or anyone else mentioned in this story. This is a work of fiction, written for “entertainment” and certainly not to hurt mentioned characters. I just borrowed their names, jobs, a bit of their background and invented so much more. Nothing mentioned in this fiction ever happened.

**Never Goodbye**

He felt Jared’s eyes on him even before he heard his boots scratching over the graveled path; big, hazel globes piercing him, his forehead in a slight frown, wondering what was wrong with his friend. Jensen wasn’t even surprised that it happened; of all people, it was his co-star who could read his moods best, who could tell with just a few looks if he was facing happy or sad, grumpy or thoughtful Jensen.

Today, it was the latter, but the reason for Jensen’s aloofness was a big question mark and his friend surely intended to erase it, to change his brooding, absent mask into something more lively.  That was just how Jared was; attentive and caring, one of his goals in life to make Jensen happy, to lure a little smile or even better a hearty laugh out of him, to charm a sparkle into the green of his eyes.

But this was exactly a part of the reason why Jensen hesitated to confide in his friend, why he let his trouble slowly devour him instead of finally spitting it out, spilling the beans on what went on in that pretty head of his. How could he tell Jared that he was dreading the end of the show that was inexorably coming closer? How could he confess that he’d miss his friend like hell, without sounding like an emotional girl? How could Jensen reveal that he was scared that their goodbye might be a farewell? How could he say all these things, without hiding his true feelings, without Jared finally finding out Jensen’s best kept secret, the one Jared never should find out?

"Jen?" Jared’s warm v oice interrupted Jensen’s train of thought and the older man looked up, seeing exactly what he had known he would see; eyes looking into the marrow of his soul, a frown giving his face a worried look, hands open, ready to touch or squeeze or pull him into a hug, whatever Jared thought was best.

"Mmm?" Jensen replied, not in the mood for anything other than a monosyllabic answer.

"We wrapped. Jim said the shots he got are enough and we’re losing light, anyways." Jared offered him his hand, ready to pull him up from the old, withered tree stump Jensen had been sitting on. "Let’s go home."

Gratefu l that Jared didn’t inquire what was going on, Jensen took the hand and warm, strong fingers curled around his own, squeezing once before they let go.

Side by side, the actors strolled back to their trailers, comfortable silence between them.

***

Absentmindedly , Jensen stared out of the window, the trees on the side of the road rushing by, blurring into one big form of darkness, shadow and weird shapes. Eyes fixed on the street, Jared was uncommonly quiet next to him, his fingers tapping against the steering wheel once in a while.

Time passed, the only sound between them the songs on the radio in the background, melodies carrying Jensen away until he got lost in his thoughts again, in the end not knowing if he was still awake or dreaming, with weird pictures running through his mind.

The soft hum of the motor must have cradled him to sleep eventually, thoughts turning into dreams, because some time later, Jared stopped his car, gently touching Jensen’s shoulder.  "Wake up," he said quietly, "we’re here."

With difficulty, Jensen opened his tired eyes, but instead of looking at the warmly lit apartment building in Downtown Vancouver where he was living, there was nothing, just darkness, the car’s spotlight shining onto what looked like a meadow, barely illuminating its closer surroundings, a wooden wall, some naked trees stret ching their bare branches towards the sky and the sparkle of light shining on water.

Jensen felt h is heart skip a beat, a natural reaction if you found yourself somewhere completely different than you expected, even worse, somewhere you’ve never been before, in the darkness, in what seemed to be the middle of n owhere.  But after the first shock and surprise, Jensen relaxed. Wherever he was, he was with Jared, who was one of his closest friends, a person he trusted. Whatever was going on here, it was fine, Jensen was sure of it.  Nevertheless, Jensen couldn’t help but throw a questioning look at his buddy and what he got in return was a little satisfied smirk. "With the show coming to its end," Jared started to explain, his body turned towards his friend, his look intense, "I thought it’d be nice, spending a weekend together. Experiencing some more things to remember."

Jensen was dumbstruck. He had never expected that, Jared being as emotional as him about their upcoming goodbye and he just looked at his friend with slightly opened lips while his heart swelled with love and happiness and his whole body was flooded with warmth. "Wow," he stammered eventually, just because Jared was looking at him expectantly, waiting for any other kind of reaction than Jensen’s surprised face that was barely recognizable in the dark car anyways.

"I take that as a yes." The younger actor chuckled. "Let’s get inside."

*

Cold hit Jensen as soon as he left the warmth of the car, damp air creeping through his clothes, the dew hanging on the blades of grass seeping through his jeans. It was absolutely silent, apart from tiny animals rustling through the dry leaves on the ground and some night bird hooting in the distance.

Now, as Jared had turned off the lights of his car, the darkness swallowed them almost completely. The few faint stars on the canopy weren’t enough to give off much light and the wafts of mist that were creeping over the ground were only pale, creepy shapes that stretched out their long fingers, ready to weave the men into a web of nothingness.

Jensen could only guess his way as he slowly walked towards his friend, tiny steps on the soft, almost muddy ground and he was more than grateful when Jared’s long fingers curled around his wrist, tugging him away from the car and into the darkness.

Slowly, Jensen’s eyes adjusted and only now did he notice that Jared was leading him towards the wall he had guessed before, a wall that now, as he was coming closer, changed into a house, with windows closed with wooden shutters, countless logs piled up beneath them. He almost missed the steps leading to the front door, Jared’s warning coming one moment too late and seconds later, the warm fingers pressing against his pulse point were gone, rummaging in a pocket, unlocking the door.

At first, it looked as if Jared stepped from darkness into an even darker chasm of nothingness. Before Jensen could even hesitate following him, the younger man switched on the light, the soft glow of one bulb enough to bath the corridor the chasm had turned into, into a warm, even welcoming light. The smell of fresh paint was mixed with that of old wood and stale air and a certain degree of clamminess stuck to the place, a sign that, fresh paint or not, no one had been in this house for a while.

"Welcome." Jared beamed brighter than the light, putting the duffel bags he had been carrying on the bare floor before stripping off his warm jacket, hanging it on an old-fashioned coat hook.

"What is this place?" Jensen asked while he removed his own jacket, finally asking what he’d been dying to know for the last few minutes. "Where are we?"

"Somewhere between Squa mish and Whistler. And it’s mine."

Jensen goggled in surprise. "Yours?" Jared had never mentioned owning a holiday house in the area and while Jared of course wasn’t obliged to tell him everything, Jensen having his own number of secrets, he was still surprised that his friend had never mentioned buying property in the wilderness.

"Yeah, mine," Jared repeated proudly. "Bought i t in early autumn and had most of it renovated before snow made the road impassable in December. Still a bit to do though, but it’s good enough to finally show you."

"Wow," Jensen  said again, shaking his head in disbelief. He had never guessed that his friend, lively, loud and always in action as he was, would buy a place at a remote lake, quiet and peaceful, no living soul within miles. It was funny, Jensen thought, that even after seven years, Jared could still surprise him.

Jared laughed, Jensen’s surprised look too funny to ignore. "Now, come on. This here," he pointed at the old, dark wooden panels on both walls of the corridor, "is really not the most comfortable place for a chat."

"How did you find it?" Jensen asked while he followed his friend down the hallway. "Aren’t these places hard to come by?"

The younger man sighed and there was a hint of regret and sadness in it and if Jensen could have seen his friend’s face, he would have seen a shadow creeping over the features that were so happy just moments ago. But then, Jared shook it off. "Remember when Gen and I went on a short trip at the beginning of last season?" Jensen mumbled something in acknowledgment, hating himself for bringing up the subject of Jared’s ex-wife without even wanting it to. "We stumbled onto it and Gen, she loved it so much. We came back every day and eventually, we met the owner who said it was for sale. So I bought it, um, as a surprise for her." Jared’s face fell and it was obvious that he still wasn’t really over the failure of his marriage. "But, um, even before I could tell her..." He didn’t finish his thoughts but there was no need to, anyways. Jensen knew what had happened, knew that Jared had found her and a stranger in their bed when he had come home to LA for a surprise visit, knew how devastated his friend had been, because it had been Jensen whom Jared had gone to, Jensen who had done his best to give him a little comfort.

" Why did you keep it?" Jensen was curious because, if he’d have bought a place for his special someone and that person had left him, deceived him, he surely wouldn’t have been able to keep it.

Jared shrugged. "It is a beautiful place and... it’s not that the place is full of memories of Gen and I. And I still can bring people I love here. I brought you. It’s a good start, isn’t it? Bringing my best friend."

Jensen’s heart made a some rsault. They were best friends and they did love each other, and they knew it, without talking about it too often, but whenever Jared said things like this, in public, talking about their friendship, or in private, just stating that Jensen really was his best friend, it made Jensen all warm and fuzzy and today was no different. Today, it was what he needed, a reassurance to wipe at least one of his worries away for a little while.

"Thanks for bringing me here," Jensen whispered before he pulled his friend into a hug, holding on a little longer than normally, just glad that Jared was with him.

"Thanks for letting me kidnap you," Jared deadpanned, strengthening his hold around Jensen. "Let’s make some good memories here."

**

Appreciatively, Jensen let his eyes sweep  over the living area.  It was a big, open room, strong beams leading towards to roof, where little lights, blinking like stars, bathed the room into a warm, cozy light. There was a huge fireplace that slowly started to give off a little warmth, modern but still fitting furniture and one of the most comfortable sofas Jensen had ever sprawled on. A stee p stairway led towards a loft where the main bedroom was, a huge bed dominating the space, big enough for the men to share. Jens en’s heart had skipped a beat when Jared had asked him if that was alright, but if it was because of panic or excitement, he couldn’t tell. Sure, they had shared beds before, especially back when they had been living together, sometimes even at cons, crashing in the other’s room, but for Jensen, it always was heaven and hell at the same time, something he loved and dreaded.

But the ni ght was still young and instead of torturing his mind about sharing his bed with Jared, he watched his friend prepare some sandwiches in the modern, open kitchen. It reminded him painfully of the time when they had been housemates, of the evenings they had spent together, lounging on Jared’s sofa, watching some kick-ass movie or kicking each other’s asses playing PS2, devouring sandwiches like the one Jared just made. It had been a great time and Jensen still missed it; they’d never been closer, never been more comfortable around each other than back then.

"What are you brooding over, man?" Putting a huge plate with half a dozen sandwiches and two bottles of beer on the small coffee table, Jared sat down next to his friend, looking at him openly.

It was that look that caused Jensen to decide that for once, he could be completely honest, because he was sure, a part of Jared missed their house sharing, too. "It’s nothing...." Jensen shrugged. "Just, you making sandwiches, it reminded me of when we were living together."

"Good old times," Jared picked up Jensen’s train of thought.

"Yeah, good old times." Jensen felt heat rising in his cheeks, even before he said that he missed it but there was no need to, anyways, because, like so often, Jared knew what he was thinking.

"I mi ss it too, Jen." Squeezing his arm, Jared smiled at him sort of melancholic before he grabbed a sandwich.

For a few moments, the atmosphere between them was strangely heavy and Jensen was grateful that he could busy himself with his own sandwich. Then Jared started to talk about something completely different, even something mundane, and the older man felt himself relax again.

**

Despite the bed being heavenly comfortable, Jensen couldn’t find any sleep. For more than an hour, he had been lying there, staring at the wooden ceiling or at the landscape photography on the wall, turning left or right, shutting his tired eyes in vain.

Next to him, Jared was slumbering peacefully, his steady, deep breathing occasionally being disturbed by a little snore, grunt or an incomprehensible mumble. While the younger man had fallen asleep on his side of the bed, more than half a yard between them, Jared had moved in his sleep, slowly sliding closer.

Now, as there was barely more than a palm between his and Jared’s face, Jensen could see each mole and every fine wrinkle on his best friend’s peaceful face that was softly illuminated by the moonlight shimmering through the curtains.

With every breath, Jensen took in the sigh t, locking it in his heart, the slightly quivering eyelashes, the lips, curled into an almost imperceptible smile, the rise and fall of his friend’s chest. He knew it was creepy, watching Jared like this, but it was just too beautiful and comforting not to do it. "Love you," Jensen whispered, so quietly that even he had problems to understand it properly but it did its charm, easing the older man’s troubled feelings a little, even though Jensen wished one day he could tell his friend while they both were awake.

Jensen breathed simultaneously with his best friend until sleep finally embraced him like a soft, warm blanket.

**

The weak March morning sun tickled Jensen’s nose and caressed his sleep-crusted eyes. Fighting back a hearty yawn, he slowly opened them, only to look into the broad beak that was his best friend’s  nose. In the few hours that had passed since Jensen had fallen asleep, Jared had crowded Jensen even more, finding warmth and a life-sized cuddly toy in the other man. His forehead was almost touching Jensen’s and, Jensen noticed as he moved a little bit, Jared had looped one of his Gorilla sized arms around him, hand pressed against his back.

The older man felt a lump growing in his throat, threatening to choke him, his heavily beating heart not making it any better, the blood rushing south even worse. Jared was full on snuggling with him, and Jensen didn’t know if he should freak out and run away as fast as he could or if he should enjoy this unexpected gift, a closeness they probably never had shared before.

Once again, Jared mumbled something, nuzzling even closer, sighing with satisfaction when their chests were pressed together.

It was what made Jensen stay.

He forced his curious cock to be quiet, forced himself to relax, telling himself that this was nothing sexual, just his closest friend sleeping and eventually, Jensen even dared to put his own arm around Jared. Not wanting to wake Jared up, not wanting to give him any explanation, he did it slowly and carefully, without barely moving and he succeeded, Jared’s only reaction a little whimper.  It felt good, holding Jared like that and being held by him and Jensen closed his eyes, fully concentrating on that feeling, on his friend, on them, being so close and peaceful and quiet. It made his heart widen in happiness, the feeling much stronger than the sadness he felt at the same time.

That’s how he fell asleep again. Content and happy.

***

When Jensen woke up again, Jared was gon e. In the first few moments of his awakening, a strong feeling of loss washed over Jensen, but then he heard his friend rummaging in the kitchen and he knew, he wasn’t alone and a wonderful day was lying ahead of him. Besides,  waking up alone gave Jensen the chance to ignore their uncommon sleeping arrangement, though he couldn’t help wondering if Jared had woken up with their bodies still snuggled together, if their closeness had touched him like it had touched Jensen or if Jared had minded, waking up in such an intimate position with his gay best friend.

Shaking his head, Jensen scolded himself, calling himself an idiot. He should give his friend more credit here. But he couldn’t help it, wondering if it was okay for Jared, waking up like this. Never once since Jensen’s early coming out had his friend treated him differently, never once had Jared held back with showing his affection, never once had the younger man minded to hug Jensen or even share his bed with him, but it had never been like that before, that personal, Jensen and Jared in their own quiet and peaceful bubble.

Jensen just hoped they were good and after spending some more minutes in bed, torturing himself with unreasonable thoughts, listening to the noises from downstairs and watching the sun painting funny shapes of gold on the wall, Jensen finally got up. He could only overcome his stupid self-consciousness, could only find out if Jared was alright, if he faced his best friend.

**

They were good. Jensen knew it even before he yawned his "Good Morning", Jared beaming at him broadly, wordlessly handing Jensen a deliciously smelling cup of hot coffee.

"Nice of you to finally join me, sleeping beauty," Jared bantered, winking at the older man.

Looking as innocently as possible, Jensen took a deep gulp of coffee, almost burning his tongue, before he shot back. "Yeah, you know, if you have to sleep next to a sn oring, mumbling gorilla, you just need some extra minutes of shut-eye."

Jared laughed, clapping Jensen’s shoulder and Jensen felt the last of his worry crumbling away. Their banter was as easy as ever, the atmosphere between them comfortable and if Jared really woke up with them snuggled together, he obviously didn’t mind or care.

As almost always, Jensen had been stupid; he should really learn to let go of his worries, just to be himself and trust Jared the one hundred percent he deserved.

**

It was a glorious sunny day and even though the temperatures were still cool, Jared insisted on showing Jensen the property, from the overgrown garden, to the old, shabby hut full of creepy spider webs and rusty tools to the wooden footbridge.

Spreading out an old blanket, Jared sat down there, his long feet almost touching the lake’s surface. He closed his eyes and let the sun warm his face, looking young and carefree. It was good, seeing Jared like that again. Most people hadn’t noticed with Jared having built a very convincing facade of indifference around him, but Jensen had seen right through his friend, knowing that the divorce had hurt him much more than he wanted people to know. Now though, it was all Jared, pure and real, like his friend should be.

"You’re right," Jensen noted, sitting down next to his friend, the cold from the moist footbridge and water seeping even through the blanket and right into his bottom, "it’s a beautiful place. Thanks for bringing me here, Jay."

Jared didn’t open his eyes but he smiled, looking very satisfied with himself. "It’s good to have you here. I’ve been here before, checking on how the renovation is going on, spending a weekend here a few weeks ago, when the snow was still high, but it feels better sharing it with someone." Jared’s words oozed with affection and it warmed Jensen, much more than the sun ever could.

First, they shared the silence, watching the water kiss the shore with tiny waves, some water birds swimming on the sparkling surface, listening to the wind whistle through the reed. Eventually though, Jared opened his eyes, looking at Jensen openly. "Can I say something, Jen?"

This alone was uncommon because normally, Jared always said what crossed his mind, whether it was appropriate or not.  Frowning, Jensen looked at his younger friend curiously, trying to read his body language and his face, for any hint of where this conversation might lead. But there was not much, just warm, hazel eyes with maybe a hint of concern in them.

"Sure," Jensen answered. What else could he have said anyways? Jared was his friend; whatever he had to say, Jensen would always listen.

"So um... I know that something’s bothering you, Jen. I can see it in the way you are, on set, when Clif drives us, even when it’s just the two of us. I know that you know it anyways but um, you’re my best friend. You can tell me everything. You don’t have to but," he sighed, combing his long fingers through his  too long hair, "but I know how it is, if something bothers you and you don’t share it. It devours you slowly. And I don’t want something preying on your mind, Jen."

Jensen didn ’t know what to say. He was not only surprised, because he would have bet on Jared waiting, keeping watch over him instead of bringing it up like this. He really was touched and whether he liked it or not, Jensen felt liquid moistening his eyes; even though he hadn’t expected Jared to say anything, it was so much like him, caring, having his back, making sure that he was fine.

Quickly, Jensen turned his head away from his friend, a dry leaf dancing on the water suddenly very fascinating, but it was too late. Jared had seen the emotions on his face, had maybe even seen the treacherous tear running down his cheek and a warm hand curled around his own, holding it gently, moving its thumb over each knuckle, softly massaging the slightly raw skin.

"Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay," Jared promised. It was a platitude because he knew as well as anyone else that some things didn’t just go away by promising they would, love being one of those things, but still, it was good, Jared’s soothing voice and gentle touch. Even though he didn’t make Jensen’s feelings go away but strengthened them even more. How could he not love Jared, the way he was, just everything Jensen had always dreamed of?

Jensen knew, he should tell Jared. Of course, not everything, not that tiny part about his feelings for him, but everything else. But he was still scared, scared that Jared might get wind of what this really was about.  Luckily, his friend didn’t push him . Jared did nothing apart from holding Jensen’s hand, whispering soothing words once in a while until Jensen felt himself relax a little, enough to sniff, enough to wipe the last teardrops from his eyes and to give his friend a small grateful smile.

It was enough for Jared to let the subject go and the silence between them grew into something comfortable again, the warmth soon chasing the feeling of awkwardness in Jensen away.

Only minutes later did Jensen notice that Jared was still holding his hand, like it was the most normal thing in the word.  Insi de, Jensen was breaking, wishing so much that he could have it for longer than just that moment. Outside though, he was smiling, hoping to convince them both that he was okay.

**

Jensen couldn’t even tell how it had happened but from watching some DVD, they had suddenly come to reminiscing about the "good old times" as Jared had called it yesterday, about them living together, about them shooting the first few seasons.

Tears in their eyes, their laughter boomed through the big living-room and it was so good, laughing like this and sharing these memories with Jared. The longer they talked and laughed, the more Jensen realized how stupid he really was, grieving for the end of the show when he could have this instead, all of Jared for himself, more memories to add to the old ones, each minute spent together binding them a little closer together.

He let the realization wash over him and like the night before, when Jared had slept so peacefully, he took it all in, their laughter and smile and happiness.

**

Now, as Jared had turned off the light, Jensen could finally tell him. Sometime during the evening, when they had been laughing so much that their bellies ached, Jensen had decided that it was okay to let Jared know. Jared wouldn’t laugh at him and if his face was hidden in darkness, Jared also wouldn’t see how it betrayed Jensen, how it showed love instead of friendship.

"Jay?"

In answer, he heard his friend turn around to face him, even though there barely was anything to see in the dark room.

"I’m going to miss you." Now that it was out, it didn’t even sound as girly as Jensen had feared. Sure, the few words had been dripping with emotions, his voice sounding a little odd, but other than that, it was okay. An undeniable fact. "This. The show. Working with you."

"That’s what’s burdening you." Jared didn’t even phrase it as a question, suddenly understanding. "I should have known," he sighed and Jensen could hear Jared shaking his head, the pillows rustling under the movement, scolding himself for being so blind. "Sorry, Jen. I should have seen it."

Jensen sighed. "Nah. It’s me being stupid here. We’ve always known that one day, the show would end. And we’ve known long enough when it would happen. It’s just," Jensen paused, moistening his lips with the tip of his tongue, tasting the remains of the pasta sauce they had had for dinner, the salt and herbs and heavy red wine, "it scares me a little."

"What?" Jared asked gently.

"A lot of things," Jensen admitted. "The end itself. No more  _Supernatural_ . Ever again. The future. New jobs, new crew, new cast. Saying goodbye to everyone." Now Jensen could say it or not. It might hurt Jared, his doubt in their friendship, but only if he could talk about it openly, it could get better. "Saying goodbye to you, Jay."

It was out and the words were hanging between them, Jared slowly taking them in, Jensen himself taking them in, waiting, for any kind of reaction. For a while, nothing came. There was just the heavy beat of his heart against his chest and his friend’s breathing.

Eventually though, probably just a few moments later, there were long fingers softly stroking over his arm, up and down, hardly more than a gentle breeze over his skin. "We won’t say goodbye, Jen. Never. I’ll always be with you." He moved his hand further up Jensen’s arm, pressing it against his hammering heart once he was close enough to find it in the dark. "And you with me."

Jensen was speechless. There was Jared, almost literally  holding his heart in his hand, saying the sappiest things ever, driving him close to tears. Gently, Jared brushed his fingers over Jensen’s chest, a steady, soft, reassuring movement. "Don’t be scared, Jen. We’ll both be good."

"Promise?" He knew he sounded like a little girl, that one word both doubtful and hopeful but he needed this, the reassurance, a vow between them, unspoken or not.

It came in gestures, with Jared sliding closer, his arm now sneaking around Jensen, encircling him in a gentle hug. It came with lips pressed against Jensen’s forehead, cool and dry and oh so gentle and Jared’s forehead touching the spot the lips had kissed, warmth against warmth.

If Jensen had been touched before, his heart now swelled with love, affection and emotions, Jared holding him like he had always dreamed of. Something in him wanted to know why his friend was doing this, why he was so good to him, how he even deserved something like this, after doubting their friendship, but for the time being, Jensen decided against it. Bigger than his curiosity was the need to enjoy this and so, he closed his eyes, shutting everything out, just listening to his and Jared’s breathing, the darkness protecting him enough that he dared to return the hug, sliding as close as possible, now burying his forehead against Jared’s chest where it fit so well.

A part of Je nsen expected his friend to call out in outrage, finally coming to his senses that he was cuddling with a gay man, but it never came. What came were even more gentle gestures, Jared running his fingers through Jensen’s hair, gently massaging his neck and shoulder, a hand touching his face.

Jensen’s heart skipped a beat. But nothing happened, nothing but Jared whispering "Sleep tight, Jen."

He did, better than ever before.

***

That morning, he woke up cuddled against his best friend, said best friend’s eyes looking at him affectionately.

"Hey," Jared whispered, not drawing back his hand that rested on Jensen’s back, but pressing a little harder.

"Hey," Jensen croaked.

"You good?"

Having a frog in his throat, Jensen nodded, hoping that his friend could see it in the semi-darkness of the room.

"Yeah, me too, Jen. Never been better, actually."

Looking at his friend curiously, Jensen hoped for some kind of explanation, but for a while there was nothing, just Jared’s hand, moving up and down his back, causing shiver after shiver of pure bliss to run through Jensen.

"Why?" Jensen dared to asked after long moments of silence had passed.

"I think," Jared said, biting his lower lip, "I finally found what I’ve been looking for for a long time."

The sun was creeping further into the room and now, Jensen could see that his friend looked uncommonly shy. "What did you find, Jay?"

"The special someone I’ll always want to take back here." Jared swallowed hard, looking at Jensen oddly, with a mixture of hope and fear.

Jensen, on the other hand, didn’t really understand what was going on here. A tiny part hoped but the reasonable part pushed it away, scolding himself, calling himself a dreamy princess. Best friends didn’t suddenly turn gay for him, throwing away their normal, respectable lives to be with him. Things like that might happen in fairy tales, but not in real life, most of all, not in Jensen’s life.

But there was Jared, smiling at him so lovingly, still brushing his hand up and down his spine, looking at him hopefully, like he was waiting for the scales to fall from Jensen’s eyes.

"Jay?" It was just his friend’s name, but it sounded hopeful, panicked and confused at the same time.

His frien d took a deep breath, slowly letting it out. "I think I’ve known it for a long time, Jen. Years ago. Thought it was just a phase, crushing on my co-star who was my role model, my best friend, my confidant. But it never really went away. Not even when I married Genevieve. A part of me always wished I had you instead of her."

Jensen gaped. This wasn’t happening, was it? It just couldn’t be. He was lost for words, his heavily beating heart and the weird feeling in his belly, sort of a pleasant nausea caused by happiness and anticipation, taking all his strength. But there was no need to say anything, anyways, because Jared continued. "Don’t get me wrong, I was happy with her, otherwise, it wouldn’t have hit me like this, when she cheated on me. Now though, in a way, I’m even grateful. It opened my eyes. I turned to you and you were there and I was so much better when I was with you than I was with anyone else. It was the last proof I was waiting for."

"But... How... I mean," Jensen stammered, still too blown away to form coherent words. "You’re straight, Jay," he finally managed to press out.

Jared chuckled. "Am I?"

Jensen goggled. "Why did you never tell me?" He couldn’t help a hint of reproach resonating in his voice. "You could have told me when I came out."

"Don’t be mad, Jen. I know I should have but just imagine how that would have sounded. You took all your courage to tell me and then here I am, telling you  _"Oh Jen, by the way, I’m bi."_ No," Jared shook his head, "it would have been unfair. Your coming out, it was about you, Jen, not about me. Besides," he scrunched his face, "back then, I wasn’t even sure if I was bi. Experiences in high school don’t really count and I hadn’t realized that my feelings for you were so much more than friendship. Later, I knew what I felt but I didn’t want to freak you out and then, Genevieve came."

"You should have freaked me out, Jay," Jensen said thoughtfully, "would have spared us a lot of lost years."

Gently, Jared brushed his thumb over Jensen’s stubbled cheek. "Maybe... But maybe not. Think about the show, our fans, the scandal. Now we at least don’t risk Eric’s baby. But I’m sorry, Jen, for keeping you waiting so long."

Jensen swallowed hard. Had his friend known all the time? Had he hid it that clumsily? "You knew?" Jensen pressed out.

"Yeah, since the wedding. Megan told me that she saw you crying and it was her, who guided me in the right direction, asked me to observe the way you look at me."

Hiding his face in the pillow, Jensen groaned. How could he have been so obvious? If Jared had known, who else did know?

"Hey," Jared said gently, moving his hand over Jensen’s head, "it’s okay. No one else knows. I’m just sorry that I couldn’t tell you sooner."

Jensen sniffed. "No, it’s okay. It should have been me, telling you. But I was so scared, Jay, so scared of losing your friendship. I’m sorry that I didn’t trust you enough."

Luckily, the younger man didn’t look hurt. "It’s okay, Jen. I understand. If I had been in your place, I wouldn’t have dared to tell you either. It could have destroyed so much and what he have, Jen, is too precious to destroy."

A burden was lifted off Jensen’s shoulders and he was grateful for Jared being so understanding. A little tentatively, he turned his head enough to see his friend again, just seeing love in his eyes and when he reached out his hand to touch, Jared happily took it, twining their fingers together.

They both smiled simultaneously.

"Want to go out with me, Jen?"

He swallowed. "Like um, a date?"

Jared nodded. "Yeah, a real date."

Jensen’s heart was hammering like crazy against his chest when he nodded in return.

"Good. Then get yourself dressed."

"What, now?" Jensen called in panic because this was going a bit too fast for his liking.

"Sure now. Spontaneous dates are the best. Besides," he squeezed Jensen’s hand, "I don’t want you to show the white feather." Puppy eyes on full force, Jared asked. "You do want it, don’t you?"

Of course Jensen wanted it. Jared here was the only thing he had ever wanted but exactly because of this, he still didn’t believe it. "Sure I want it."

"But?"

"It’s just, after all those years, it’s hard to believe it’s really happening. This is my dream coming true and.."

With his index finger pressed against Jensen’s lips, Jared silenced him gently. "Shhh. Then let it come true. Just believe it. It’s happening. Let our dream come true."

Jensen believed it.

**

Jared took Jensen out for lunch, to a top steak house in Whistler. The atmosphere between them was good, almost like always, apart from the expectation hanging in the air, the anxiety of what would happen next, the occasional love-sick look, hands brushing or feet touching.

But Jensen, who already was floating on cloud number nine, tried to ignore it, concentrating on this new, so far unknown level of intimacy between them instead. It was weird but still so right, Jensen thought, dating Jared. The result of seven years of friendship and closeness, finally accumulating to where they were now, playing footsie like love-sick teenagers.

After lunch, Jared took them back to his cabin, but instead of leading the way to its front door, he took another direction, over to the lake where Jensen could see a small path leading away from Jared’s property and along the shore. It was just broad enough to stroll it side by side, leading through brush and wood, up and down, granting them a splendid view onto the sparkling water every now and then.

They didn’t talk much, just enjoying each other’s company, their shoulders and hands brushing with almost every st ep they took until eventually, even though it took a lot of effort before Jensen dared to, he twined his fingers with Jared’s. But the younger man didn’t mind at all, squeezing gently, dimples digging into his cheek.

It was a simple but nevertheless wonderful connection, holding Jared’s hand, and like so often in the past days, Jensen’s heart made a somersault and the most beautiful feelings washed over him. It was too early to tell Jared but he knew, one day soon, he could finally say these three little words, without being scared of the consequences.

*

"Thanks for going on that date with me," Jared said eventually, when the track took another turn, giving a wonderful view of the lake and over to Jared’s cabin at the opposite side.

Jensen squeezed his friend’s hand. "Thanks for asking me out. Though," and now he pouted a little, "this can’t be the end of it."

"No. It isn’t," Jared said, blushing a little, "because I want to date you for much longer than just today."

A lump grew in Jensen’s throat. He wanted to ask for how long Jared was hoping to date him, but he didn’t, not wanting to jinx it, the future that hopefully would be a forever. Instead, he smiled. "Sounds good. Besides," and now it was him who was turning scarlet, "we all know how a first date ends."

"Yeah. We all know." Jared smiled. Reaching out his free hand, he touched Jensen’s face, his finger gently brushing from temple over cheek and jaw. 

Jensen’s heartbeat quickened. He almost felt like fifteen years ago, when he got his first kiss from his first ever boyfriend but still, this was different. Maybe because he and Jared knew each other so well, had spent almost a decade growing up together in their adult life. Maybe because they were co-stars, even if it was only for a couple of weeks until the show ended. Or maybe because, other than fifteen years ago, Jensen was sure that he wanted this. It was simply life-changing.

Luckily, Jared didn’t give Jensen much time to think about what was happening between them because, a gentle smile later, he was so close, his hand now on Jensen’s neck, and then, their lips touched. 

Fireworks exploded in Jensen’s belly, even before the younger man gently moved his lips over his, tasting, nibbling, his tongue eagerly moving forward, asking for entry Jensen gladly allowed with a whimper. On a scale from one to ten, the kiss probably wouldn’t have even reached a seven, but for Jensen, it was perfect. For once, it was Jared who was kissing him oh so softly, his best friend, making his dream come true. Besides, it was the atmosphere that evened out what the kiss itself was lacking, the sun shining down on them, the cool breeze kissing their heated faces, the sounds of nature being their love song, the lake sprinkling like thousands of diamonds. And the kiss itself wasn’t that bad, just lacking a bit of confidence and experience, both of them maybe holding back as they realized what was actually happening here, a kiss so much more intimate than holding hands, making the change in their relationship more real than before. But it was promising, a first taste of what could happen between them, of what Jared’s tongue and hands were capable of, luring pleading and sweet sounds out of Jensen’s throat, overflowing him with endorphins he hadn’t felt for a very long time.

Curiously, their tongues explored the other’s mouth, mapping every inch of soft flesh, tasting salt, herbs, beer and the other’s individuality and with every gasping breath Jensen took, with every second that passed while he drank from Jared’s lips, Jensen’s heart beat heavier.

Only when they were both close to suffocating did they let go, taking deep breaths of cool air, their foreheads touching, their hands intertwined. 

It was Jensen who opened his eyes first, meeting his best friend’s flushed face, a single tear hanging on his lids. It touched Jensen more than every promise of love ever did, and gently, he kissed Jared’s closed lids, receiving a snort and a teasingly whispered "Sap" in return.

"Who’s the sap here?" Jensen said, while he combed his hand through Jared’s mane, something he had wanted to do for years. "Crying because of a kiss..." He shook his head in disbelief though not without smiling with satisfaction, because this was definitely the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Pouting, Jared claimed, "Just because it was so horrible."

"Yeah. Horrible. Means we need more practice. All the time."

"For the rest of our lives?" Jared asked hopefully and even though it was much too early to talk about things like vows and  rings , forever and getting old together, Jensen somehow knew, that it would be exactly like this. No matter what obstacles might  be in their way, Jared was the one. The one he wanted to tell "love you" to until his dying day, the one he’d never say goodbye to and the one who would always mean home, no matter if they were here, at this beautiful place in British Columbia, in LA or back home, somewhere in Texas.

"Doubt that’s enough, Jay." Jensen smiled, catching Jared’s lips in another kiss that took away the younger man’s breath, silencing him from whatever he wanted to say. "Things," another kiss, "can always get," he gently let his tongue run over Jared’s swollen lips, "better."

"They already are," Jared moaned into the kiss.

"Yeah, they are," Jensen said under his breath. "You’re with me."

Smiling broadly, Jared wrapped his arm around Jensen, slowly walking on, towards his cabin and towards their future. Once in a while, he kissed whatever part of his boyfriend he could reach, a finger, the tip of his nose, his cheek or his lips and they both knew, whatever the future would bring, it would be a good one, just because they had each other to hold onto.

**The End**


End file.
